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No idea where I heard this phrase or where it originated from but it really resonates with me right now.

There has never been a time in my life where I cared more about improving myself and being the best I can be in the aspects of my life that are important.

Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending on how you look at things), training happens to be the best part of my life. It happens to be all I’ve got at the moment (my family lives hours away) and it is keeping me afloat.

 

What I have noticed lately is that there has been an emotional component to my training lately. I am pushing myself harder and after every class, I find myself having to “take a minute” and gather myself before I continue along. It used to be that after training, I could or couldn’t be social, I could go about my day and enjoy life.

I can’t anymore.

I’m angry.

I’m upset.

I finish my training and I “take a minute”. I gather myself and I feel myself breathing heavy and my heart racing. My gas is fine and my heart is great. It is emotions. I am angry.

There has been a certain anger in my training lately. I feel it. I attribute it to many different factors but ultimately it is an anger at myself for not reaching my potential each and every time I step off the mats.

I am not excellent yet and I feel it every time I step off. I am nowhere close to where I want to be. I am nowhere close to where I know I can be. I am angry when I step off the mats each time because I fall so far short of the mark.

I am pissed off for excellence and I doubt I will experience happiness again until I reach it.

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